Looser; defined in urban dictionary as a chump, lame, stupid, bitch, wanker, moron, retard… Wah!!! Those are just some of the few words that detail the exactness of the character that is in this profile. The Urban dictionary goes ahead to term a looser as someone who cannot spell ‘loser’… he heee… anyway, in commonness, looser is a terminology used to describe personalities who in their own sense believe are at the top of their game while in actual sense they are the direct opposite of their perceived situation… it is a term commonly used among a certain class of the fairer sex in description of their opposites who have not on a given occasion or several stood up to expectations… as per their intended standard…

Men have always lived with this tag years on end but a random conversation between me and my good friend Raymond* detailed the other day, women too… mostly fit the revised profile for the new looser in town. Our conversation was largely intended to focus on bitching about some women who largely frequented our lives the bigger portion of year 2009… yeah, I only have two more salaries and this year is sooooooo gone… We happened to have dated women at some point in 2009 who exhibited plenty of similarities which at the end of our conversation resulted to my thoughts of shaping this into a post to save my brothers… and sisters who intend to hit on these species now that partners sex choice is practically liberal in Nairobi these days.

So, Raymond…we shall refer to him as Ray… met this girl, let’s call her Vienna* several months ago while on his usual professional duties. You know, Ray being a Procurement officer at their company is naturally bound to have a good number of sales ladies sent his way to strike some possible deals, business deals to the benefit of both their institutions. Ray as we know him, happens to be one sharp dresser and his charm has more than often found him a way to more than a fair share of those sales ladies hearts… or is it skirts… so as usual, Ray was at the best of his charm when he met Vienna… a few business related discussions and the ice was broken with his trade mark jokes… this was quickly followed with cell phone numbers exchanged and enough hints much inclined to beer than coffee dropped… for sometime, Agenda Vienna was not keenly pursued. Certainly Mr. ray knew Vienna’s particular interest in actual business was going to bring her about…

A couple of weeks down the line, Vienna of course made a follow up visit at Ray’s office. The fact that she was in dressed to kills didn’t quite help the situation with. That tight, short black mini skirt exposing those extremely beautifully shaped… curved legs and that outstanding behind…completed with some red stilettos with a red marching blouse exposing the well endowed dashboard… complete with a sizeable amount of cleavage almost just got Ray shaking hands with “That’s a Deal”… but No, Ray is good… or so he thought… some drinks had to be introduced and some of ‘that’ had to come his way… he heee…

Anyway, they ended up sharing lunch… more like spending time flirting and giggling at some restaurant in town in the name of catching up. A number of lunches down the line and business was entirely forgotten… it was just food… and exchanging pleasantries. They quickly realized they were a couple… and from my very own experience… any man who knows he has the ‘ideal’ catch… the eye candy that will get the friends and associates drooling will definitely put it in every one of their faces to remind them just how much on point his game is… Well, as this happens, the man also is blinded, and the tendency to see and believe what they want is what forms most of his praises of the lady in question… but as Ray discovered over time… the characteristics defining the looser woman as per the conversation narrow down to the list below…

Part two… coming up…

If you take an assumption and think about any sport that involves a ball…Lets take Basketball, Golf, tennis, Rugby… you know, any of those sports. Back when I was a sportsman and that is as far back as high school… and a few months ago when I stayed in a certain neighbourhood that had many lovers of basketball…The most fundamental, most basic and most important point in any of the ball oriented sports as the coaches have always put it is as simple as “Keep your eye on the ball!”

Even back to childhood… yeah, my parents were some sorts of hopeful (less?) romantics, and they always played badminton… seriously… BADMINTON… (Get your mind out of the gutter stupid…) and Tennis formed most of their sport at the backyard. They never forgot to stress the importance of  making so clear the importance of keeping the eye on the ball with regards to Tennis… and the cork (OK, now that sounds bad) for Badminton… It applied to me as a 5-year-old together with my little sister whom we fought much more than often back then as well as much as it applies today to seasoned professionals who have been seen to drop a ball in front of a television audience of millions because they took their eye off it like Rafael Nadal, Roger Federar, William Sisters and of course Maria Sharapova…below whose dropping of the ball has gotten my attention more than hitting the ball… mmmh, yeah, she also gets my attention seriously when she sighs heavily every time she hits that damn Tennis ball… I can only but imagine elsewhere. (Yeah am a Dude duh!!!)

That critical coaching point — keep your eye on the ball — is also the most basic and most important coaching point to getting what you want out of life. The vast majority of the coaching calls I witnessed as a member the 3^rd team of Mr. Were’s basketball team back in high school involved people who were frustrated with their results and who, almost without exception, took their eye off the ball.  In more “business-like” terminology as I have gathered over my career life so far; it is referred to as “they’ve lost their focus.” Whenever an employee, a manager, an associate or consultant takes the eye off the main objective they are there in first place, results generated are poor, off the timeline and several other people and missions are jeopardized.

Take an example of a foreign consultant being attached to a given company; let’s take a bank since I have quite some experience around then so far. A consultant will be attached be it for a re-branding exercise, deployment of a new E-banking software and such… most of them end up establishing much more than just professional relationships. Personal engagements result between them and that given sales lady… assigned to that project or that ICT assistant assigned to that other project. This result to sharing pleasantries in time designated for projects and in event that disagreements of a personal nature emerge between the two? Sabotage can not be ruled out… all this time, personal focus is being lost and the initial agenda of keeping their focus on the intended mission is lost.

In today’s tough economic times, just having skills is not enough. The people who are thriving have learned to produce more in less time by creating laser like focus and a sense of fearlessness that doesn’t allow anything to distract them from getting what they deserve. Developing this mind set is easier said than done.  What would happen in your life if you could use just one of these?

-          Centre yourself in less than 20 seconds, allowing you to focus on the task at hand

-          Build your confidence and find out how your sense of Self Worth can enhance your career and your life

-          Find time for projects (even when life gets in the way)

-          Turn fear into motivation (This is the same way top athletes transform their fears into a competitive advantage)

-          Create new neural pathways that empower you to replace poor time management habits with productive habits

-          Build an emotional “safety net” that automatically reduces your resistance to getting things done. (Create this safety net and you’ll be amazed at your new eagerness to do things now!  Yes – including job prospecting)

-          Create effortless motivation; willpower will not work long term

-          Eliminate conflicting goals and align yourself towards a common purpose

Anyway, just some thoughtful things that we keep ignoring time after time. Take for instance yours truly. I am largely known as the hands on guy… the planning wiz… and fairly the one guy who has capability to deliver and innovate beyond most basic abilities that we are blessed with. Well… I believe it’s not flattery, for real… I rise to the occasion in very demanding times and my solutions come in quite handy when things are glaringly falling apart. This doesn’t just happen in my career life… in my personal life too… in that on most occasional I spend my time trying to figure out solutions for existing problems for my loved ones and my associates. I advice and recommend plenty of ways out. On a personal basis, I have brilliant plans… on occasion when I share with a friend or a confidant; I get a sense of admiration. It is something I picked up from my old man I believe… and I have been getting frustrated much more often than not lately realizing that I am also not acting up on my plans as much as I would wish… just like papa.

This has thus necessitated me to get motivation and cultivate ways to realize my plans while I am still at a point where I can nature my plans and dreams into things practical… keeping my eye on the ball hence was this one motivation approach I read about and have since made it my anthem in the last few days. With getting my intents to focus one can achieve a lot more than just a plan. Even the bible… we get the impression that whenever we can just manage to remember and focus on the Lord Jesus Christ, we will forever remember that He died for our sins and with that we will always keep salvation within our reach, with the eye focused totally on the life the Bible promises us, we do everything possible to avoid sin and serve in the likeness of the Almighty… Wah!!! Si that has been spiritual!!! I hope The Almighty remembers that line when the final day comes… haki, si I have tried J

So folks… Keep your eye on the ball… keeps your intent in check… and whatever other distractions that may surface along the way, you will excel… and yeah… I am also trying, especially with getting myself a golf club membership… and learn to be like Tiger Woods…so that I can have more balls to focus on he heee…and I am remembering the Badminton, Tennis and basketball lessons I had growing up… adios!!!

Terms & Conditions Apply, In Relationship… In today’s world every thing comes with terms and conditions; Every Service Level Agreement I sign on behalf of my company have various Terms of Reference and Conditions enjoined dictating levels of engagement, levels of authority, appointed initiators and defined methodology of how authorization and acceptance is reached.

I am a banker; I also have a very fair understanding of Legal jargon. Terms and conditions feature in every little detail of agreements between two or more parties who will engage each other. Suppliers, contractors, Service Vendors and Consultants all are brought on board after proper agreements have been drawn, everybody knows so well to what level they can engage them, what they can be asked of, when and what deliverables are expected. Terms of reference define what each of the parties is expected of in delivery and provision.

Relationships should likewise employ Terms, Conditions and Terms of Reference in their relationships, at least in my thinking. In today’s world, fewer relationships are established on foundations that are fairly vague and undefined. When I was growing up, my parents who started dating in their college and married fairly immediate their after always advised that the best place to find a potential wife would be while in college. Their argument was based on the fact that this was the one and only place where you had an opportunity to fully understand your potential partner inside out; which I tend to agree with to some extend. While in college I faithfully stuck to this school of thought and had very healthy relationships. Their other school of thought was potentially meeting someone ‘in the line of duty’. The impression created here was on the basis that while working with someone, one would have enough time together to establish the kind of personalities and potential abilities of each to make a reliable spouse. Well, that’s arguable… considering guidelines such as those issued by the Permanent Secretary, Ministry of Finance a while ago requiring spouses working within the ministry agree amongst themselves who was to resign as a measure to contain potential exposure to ‘workplace corruption’.

Well, that aside, people have different ideas of where and how to meet their potential spouses and that’s something I have personally witnessed over my dating experience. The various places we meet our partners/ mates fairly dictate the lifeline of the relationships, with a few exceptions. If you watch the wedding show, statistics indicate that most of the newly weds meet while in their tertiary education and on professional engagements. Few will probably meet at a party and most certainly very few will meet at a bar… though with the trends coming up in Nairobi and other major towns, many more people are starting their relationships while on their tenth beer… he heeee… I wonder what they will tell their children since I remember me and my other siblings bugging our parents to give us the details of how they met, and how their relationships were, lasted and such…

Well, factoring in the nature of the relationships most of us are trying to keep, I seek to engage Terms of Reference at the onset of the relationship. My argument is that with TOR issues, drama, hustles, expectations and mishaps will be contained. Conflicts between spouses/ in the couple will be limited. For instance; if I agree that I shall owe my partner a rose or a lily  for a flower every single day, a bucket full of black forest cake every when she has her monthly periods and when she is low, jewelry or shoes every when she does something great and a good meal every when we have awesome make out sessions, we are likely to have limited problems. There is the risk of routine though, but systems have proven to work. Having working and consistent structures in place always are preferred over ambiguity. A little spontaneous stuff here and there could deliver.

Terms and conditions sure will also help manage the relationship. You know, like the way a relationship gets to a point where a good night text has to end with ‘I love you so much’? well, I am bound to write a text once in a while quoting a poem, a nice love note or tell you something that doesn’t necessarily end with ‘I love you’… if we have Terms and Conditions that detail that on Friday nights I will probably be drunk and my text is likely to end with ‘I want you so much’… we could avoid the trouble of one party feeling ‘used’… though when you think deeper, you realize we are always using each other for one reason or another…Seriously, think of it. When we make it clear that delays in text message replies during business/ class hours will probably mean am doing other productive things that are un-related to you… you shouldn’t feel bad and throw tantrums of how I have ignored you.

Sometimes, we get to have very rough days, exchanging with third parties on phone, being pushed around in office for delivery on one given report or task or another r potentially just being worn out with one thing r another, and having a cold beer and sleeping with the phone switched off is the best idea. This if defined in terms and conditions will probably help avoid nasty text messages that could mess someone’s day.

Over time, relationships end up being partnerships on various aspects of life; ranging from sharing expenses, business and investment partnerships and such. Having agreements such as TOC and terms and conditions, proper engagements shall be realized. Couples shall not quarrel over things that were not agreed upon or in situations where consultations were not made. This applies both ways, if the delivery of my flowers has not come fourth; an understanding shall be drawn to indicate that in such event, there shall not be tantrums because potential reasons could range from being broke some stupid mistake you made or such.

Marriages come through with certificates indicating an agreement between two people to spend all their lives together. Wills are drawn to guide the distribution of the deceased’s wealth. We always have a next of kin for everything that includes our health, our finances and assets… and liabilities. We should therefore have Terms of Reference and Terms and Conditions to help manage the difficulties that today’s relationships expose us to.

Work Place Improvement

Government departments, Multinational Corporations and private entities have heavily invested heavily in high end performance management systems. Management and supervisory ranks have defined areas of responsibility and appraisal mechanisms are in place to periodically evaluate the levels of achievement realized by employees for their organizations.

A further look at the length to which these entities have gone in establishing performance management tools still indicates lacking in enhancement of peak performance for employees, management and hence organizations at large. This necessitates the purpose of motivation, mentorship and coaching of personnel from all ranks. Building internal coaching and mentorship programmes for the organization is certain to enhance cost effective means through which employees can be inspired and helped to establish focus on individual and corporate goals. Such resources engage Human Resource People, certain employees from management cadre, and competent executives.

Management ranks have generally been reached by assessment of technical skills rather than abilities of the employees being considered to inspire and lead employees in their units. Consistent complaints often surface indicating lack of understanding between management and employees, unqualified feedback mechanisms and insufficient investment in development of employee careers. Absence of these important coaching skills results to high staff turnover, huge recruitment and training costs and deployment of functional systems.

As Theodre Zeldin a leading philosopher puts it;
‘Finding colleagues who like lovers and friends are inspiring rather than boring or dominating is increasingly a priority’.

Establishing an environment that favors employee self awareness and self improvement then becomes the one way with which the organization can fill the gaps associated with fulfillment of employees well being, cohesion and communication. Forward thinking companies thus need to conduct employee and customer satisfaction surveys to establish their needs. Programs to train employees on team building, communication, leadership and mentoring identify with easiness to work together. Coupling such measures with already installed performance management systems and appraisal mechanisms hence enables the organization yield desired results.

Consideration must be put to various issues when exploring such initiatives requiring careful account with emphasis being laid on designing so as to identify the desired outcome taking to consideration ego in the workplace, ranks and organization culture. Reasons for establishing the coaching initiative as improvement of individual performance and helping management with people skills are critical. Fostering proper work and life balance, positive change in organizational culture and change management are also some factors that must be considered.

Sourcing a coaching and mentoring resource to bring about employee motivation and self improvement is as important. It is prudent to shop around for the various approaches available. A methodology that is relevant to the organizations values, objectives, mission and vision is important. Finding specialists in the field is much applicable as compared to the having training companies that handle this as just a unit. A number of institutions have come up regionally that handle this growing need with reference to among others Peak Performance International, Capacity Building Institute, Training Solutions among others.

Idleness is not good… seriously. So the Monday is coming through really slow, at least mine and one of my ex clandes’; from the amount of time we are spending on chat talking about many stupid things, and a few constructive ones…

Anyway, I took these stupid flu-gone capsules in the morning to avoid the dry throat that usually indicates a tough cold attacking… now they sent me dizzy… insult to injury, I didn’t sleep well last night; been having lots of issues on my mind. So our chat goes on and on… with Ms. Clande, Ex, asking why I am never on the loose nowadays, why I don’t party much… why I never call anymore… and stuff… passing time when this topic for sleeping around during office hours checks in.

ME: feeling a little unwell…
HER: Whats up?
ME: dont know, just feeling a little under…
HER: kunywa red bull
ME: mmm, good idea…
HER: ama grab a snickers bar
ME: eeeh… that’s supposed 2 be what?
HER: U dont know snickers (Choc)
ME: aaah… now I get…
ME: haki am even dozing off…
HER: woi
HER: kwani u over indulged…..over the weekend?
hiyo ni hang over
ME: naaah… I was out on friday till ard 10pm…
sato is when I was out till 530am…
but jana I slept a lot…….
so it’s not that…….
HER: Okay
Uchovu ni kawaida on Monday…..
… am feeling sleepy as well
but najikaza kisabuni
ME: si then we can find somewhere we sleep 2gether… 4 company LOL!

It is prohibited (written in regulations), to fake reasons and leave office just to go and catch some quick rubs at that motel across the street, then take a rush shower.

See, catching up on some rubs when you don’t have a crib of your own can be a huge challenge. It can also be a challenge catching rubs with that office colleague that regulations prevent you to when the moto is very much there. It’s also a difficult one when you are in one of those relationships, married and such…it can also just be a nice way of actually making things more interesting with your other half… sneaky stuff is always sweet; be it chocolate picked off the shelves at the mall when cameras are off site, that beer you win once in a while when EABL swings some promotion or alighting from that matatu that robbed you 10/= last time without paying the full amount this time. Even some European footballer and the wife made out sometime back at the football pitch center one night…for the curiosity.

So is catching rubs work time. Val keeps busting her roomie with the lover in their kitchen, in the bathroom, living room… who knows, next time she could possibly find them in her bed… its exiting, seriously. So is leaving office in disguise of seeing a doctor, checking at the bank or taking some pass port photographs but instead finding means to catch rubs. It’s exciting.

You chat or exchange texts with the other subject for a number of minutes, probably exchanging more than pleasantries over there… an ignition of some sorts… especially on such a boring Monday Morning. Then you agree to link up at one of those motels along Tom Mboya Street (ones with nice rooms… and clean sheets he heee)… there is design with which this has to be done. You know, the way that street is full of people, just about anyone can spot you and establish what you are up to… everyone seems to be buying a DVD, a made in China phone or the 100/= sun glasses… so you have to be creative.

The idea is to arrive in just about the same time… a few minutes shy from each other… with the one ‘organizing the room’ arriving first. If you are lucky, most of the gents at work are fitted with condom dispensers to help save us. So you sort yourself out in that way, and then arrive on the said street in style… Usually admiring ‘stuff’ on sale at the stalls… the entrances to these joints are usually blocked, slightly by that certain stall. You check out that certain 98 in 1 DVD on sale as you calculate your move… in a matter of seconds, you divert from the main street and run up the stair cases to the booking lobby where bargains are usually witnessed from ‘like-minded’ characters… the other culprits…

You could witness a conversation like this:
CUSTOMER: Single ni ngapi?
CAHSIER: 700 per day…
CUSTOMER: Aiiiiiii… mimi nataka 45 minutes tu… ngapi?
CASHIER: Boss/ Madam, single ni mia saba kwa siku!
CUSTOMER: Hii ni ukora mtupu… shika hii (Ksh. 1000)… lete change (Assume a kiuk accent…)

It certainly indicates that you should have done research by the time you decide on your place of activity.
Anyway, you get to the room as you send your other one a text message quoting the room number. Immediately the other one checks in, phones are switched off… and the fun starts… a quick shower follows after…

You leave the premises the way you came in, separately… lady first (Assuming you were not a gay/ lesbian couple) LOL! But those relationships also have a ‘guy’ and a ‘chic’ right? Well, after ‘she’ has left… party two then leaves the room, of course with the keys to hand over to that sheepishly smiling cashier… You then pick some toothpicks and hit the streets… after all; you just had lunch, and are heading back to the office! Satisfied… with that I am the one swagger…

NOTE: I swear, I haven’t done this… seriously now, FOR REAL. Just my idle mind.